The Domestic Violence Section of the Rapid City Police Department thinks that you should know some of the warning signs of Domestic Abuse. Look through the section below and see if there are multiple warning signs that are occurring in your life. Violence does not end immediately with separation since 73% of the women injured in domestic violence cases were injured after separation. There is help and information available for you to break this cycle of violence.

• Potential Indicators of Domestic Abuse
• Stress Related Problems in Children of Abuse
• Progression of Violence
• How Abusers Stage a Return
• Signs of Rehabilitation
• Common Characteristics of the Batterer
• Similar Stories of Battered Spouses
• Dangers After Separation
• Long Term Effects of Abuse
• Make a Separation Safety Plan

SYMPTOMS OF ABUSE - MISUSE OF POWER AND CONTROL

Putting her down - Making her feel bad about herself - Calling her names - Making her think she's crazy - Playing mind games - Humiliating her - Making her feel guilty

Treating her like a servant - Making all the big decisions - Acting like the "Master of the castle" - Being the one to define men's and women's roles

Preventing her from getting or keeping a job - Making her ask for money - Giving her an allowance - Taking her money - Not letting her know about or have access to family income

Making or carrying out threats to do something to hurt her - Threatening to leave her, to commit suicide, to report her to welfare - Making her drop charges - Making her do illegal things

Making her feel guilty about the children - Using the children to relay messages - Using visitation to harass her - Threatening to take the children away

Controlling what she does, who she sees and talks to, what she reads, & where she goes - Limiting her outside involvement - Using jealousy to justify actions

Making light of the abuse and not taking her concerns about it seriously - Saying the abuse didn't happen - Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior - Saying she caused it

Potential Indicators Of Domestic Abuse

Women: In general, women who are abused physically are often isolated. Their partners tend to control their lives to a great extent as well as verbally degrade them. Some examples follow:

• the woman mentions not being able to use the telephone
• she is forbidden from seeing friends unless he is along
• the man has exclusive control over all money and household financial matters
• she is not allowed in the decision making process at home
• he won't let her learn to drive, go to school, get a job
• she is limited in her freedom as a child would be. For example to the store, get milk and come straight home. It should take you "15 minutes"
• look for self-esteem, poor self-concept. The woman speaks very poorly of herself. She is unable to make eye contact, always looks away or at the ground when talking
• many times women complain of non-specific aches and pains that are constant and recurring. These are stress related problems.

Children: (primarily boys)

• serious problems with temper tantrums
• continual fighting at school or between siblings
• lashing out at objects, inside or outside of the home
• treating pets cruelly or abusively
• threatening younger sister or brother with violence For instance, "You get over here with my teddy bear or I'll kill you. I'll slice you into little pieces with a knife"
• attempting to get attention through hitting, kicking or choking
• modeling after dad--"Monkey see, monkey do"
• with girls, withdrawal, signs not so obvious
• occasional cringing if you raise your arm.

Progression of Violence

Pre-battering violence: verbal abuse, hitting objects, throwing objects, breaking objects, and making threats. When abusers hit or break objects or make threats, almost 100% resort to battering.

Beginning levels: pushing, grabbing, restraining.

Moderate levels : slapping, pinching, kicking, pulling out clumps of hair.

Severe levels : choking, beating with objects (sticks, ball bats, bed slats, etc...), use of weapons, and rape. One in three women in a battering relationship are raped. There are two kinds of rape in domestic violence--one, with weapons; and two, she submits out of fear that is if she were to say "No" he would get angry and beat her.

Sweet Baby Syndromes (How He Gets To Come Back)

1. Honeymoon Syndrome : also known as "Hearts and Flowers" any bribe that will get her to return to him.

2. Super Dad Syndrome : he tells her that he will be a great dad if she returns. This works especially if he has neglected the kids in the past.

3. Revival Syndrome : this is not really a valid revival or salvation since he has probably only gone to church only a few times. "I have been going to church every Sunday since you left." I have accepted Christ into my life." He puts the responsibility for his battering on God.

4. Sobriety Syndrome : "If he can stop drinking he will stop beating me" Drinking does not cause beating--if it did, then they would beat strangers on the street.

5. Counseling Syndrome : "I have gone to counseling, I won't do it anymore." Long term counseling is needed and less that 1% voluntarily go into counseling.

Signs that Treatment may be effective

1. He accepts responsibility for his violence.

2. He goes into treatment without victim.

3. He goes into treatment with no strings attached--"I'll go if you will come back," this is in effort to regain control of the woman.

Common Characteristics of Battered Women 

1. have low self esteem
2. believe all the mythic about battering relationships
3. be a traditionalist about the home, may strongly believe in family unity and the prescribed feminine sex-role stereotype
4. accept responsibility for the batterer's actions
5. suffer from guilty, yet deny the terror and anger she feels
6. have severe stress reactions with psycho physiological complaints
7. use sex as a way to establish intimacy
8. believe that no one will be able to help her resolve her predicament

Common Characteristics of the Batterer

1. have low self esteem
2. believe all the myths about battering relationships
3. be a traditionalist believing in male supremacy and the stereotyped masculine sex role in the family
4. blame others for his actions
5. be pathologically jealous
6. present a dual personality
7. have severe stress reactions during which he uses drinking and battering to cope
8. frequently use sex as an act of aggression to enhance his self-esteem in view of warning virility
9. not believe his violent behavior should have negative consequences

Similarities in Stories of Battered Women

1. initial surprise
2. unpredictability of acute battering incidents
3. overwhelming jealousy
4. unusual sexuality
5. lucid recall of the details of acute battering incidents
6. concealment
7. drinking
8. extreme psychological abuse
9. family threats
10. extraordinary terror through the use of guns and knives
11. omnipotence
12. awareness of death potential
Source: Walker, Lenore, The Battered Woman (1979)

Separation Violence

Many, perhaps most, people believe that battered women will be safe once they separate from the batterer. They also believe that women are free to leave abusers at any time. However, leaving does not usually put an end to the violence. Batterers may, in fact, escalate their violence to coerce a battered woman into reconciliation or to retaliate for the battered woman's perceived rejection or abandonment of the batterer. Men, who believe they are entitled to relationship with battered women or that they "own" their female partner, view women's departure as an ultimate betrayal which justifies retaliation.
(Saudners & Browne, 1990; Dutton, 1988; Bernard el at, 1982)

Evidence of the gravity of separation violence is overwhelming.

• Up to 3/4 of domestic assaults reported to law enforcement agencies were inflicted after separation of the couples.
  (U.S. Dept. of Justice, 1983)
• One study reveals that 73% of the battered women seeking emergency medical services sustained injuries after leaving the batterer. (Starks et al, 1981)
• In a study of women seeking divorce in Philadelphia in 1986, 11% of the women reported that they were assaulted during separation even though they had not been abused during co-habitation. 32.6% of the women said that they were fearful during negotiations for child custody, about 22% stated that they were fearful of retaliatory violence during negotiations for child support and 27.7% fearful during negotiations for property. 13% of the women in the study stated that they gave up legal rights because of their fear of retaliatory violence. (Kurz & Coughey, 1989)
• Almost 1/4 of the women killed by their male partners in one study in Philadelphia and Chicago were separated or divorced from the men who killed them. 28.6% of the women were attempting to end the relationship when they were killed. (Casanave and Zahn, 1986) In one study of spousal homicide, over half of the male defendants were separated from their victims. (Bernard et al, 1982).
• Women are most likely to be murdered when attempting to report abuse or to leave an abuse relationship.
  (Sonkin et al, 1985; Browne)

Because leaving may be dangerous--dangerous from the point that the batterer learns that the relationship may end through several years after separation--does not mean that the battered woman should say. Cohabiting with the batterer is highly dangerous both as violence usually increased in frequency and severity over time and as a batterer may engage in preemptive strikes, fearing abandonment or anticipating separation even before the battered woman reaches such a decision. Although leaving may pose additional hazards, at least in the short run, the research data and our experience as advocates for battered women demonstrates that ultimately a battered woman can best achieve safety and freedom apart form the batterer.

Leaving will require strategic planning and legal intervention to avert separation violence and to safeguard victims and their children. Law enforcement advocates, and battered women must work in partnership to assure that the separation process is safeguarded against batterer violence.

The Long-Term Effects on Domestic Violence

The long term effects of domestic violence have not begun to be fully documented. Battered women suffer physical and mental problems as a result of domestic violence. Battering is the single major cause of injury to women, more significant than auto accidents, rapes, or muggings. (O'Reilly, 1983) In fact, the emotional and psychological abuse inflicted by batterers may be more costly to treat in the short-run than physical injury. (Straus, 1987) Many of the physical injuries sustained by women seem to cause medical difficulties as women grow older. Arthritis, hypertension and heart disease have been identified by battered women as directly caused by aggravated by domestic violence early in their adult lives.(Corrao, 1985)

Battered women lose their jobs because of absenteeism due to illness as a result of the violence. Absences occasioned by court appearances also jeopardize women's livelihood. Battered women may have to move many times to avoid violence. Moving is costly and can interfere with continuity of employment. Battered women often lose family and friends as a result of the battering. First, the batterer isolates them from family and friends. Battered women then become embarrassed by the abuse inflicted upon them and withdraw from support persons to avoid embarrassment.

Some battered women have lost their religious communities when separating from abusers because religious doctrine prohibits separation or divorce whatever the severity of abuse.

Many battered women have had to forgo financial security during divorce proceedings to avoid further abuse. (Kurz & Coghey, 1989) As a result they are impoverished as they grow older. (Marshall & Sisson, 1987)
One-third of the children who witness the battering of their mothers demonstrate significant behavioral and/or emotional problems, including psychosomatic disorders, stuttering, anxiety and fears, sleep disruption, excessive crying and school problems. (Jaffe et al, 1990; Hilberman & Munson, 1977-78)

Those boys who witness their fathers' abuse of their mothers are more likely to inflict severe violence as adults. (Hotaling & Sugerman, 1986) Data suggest that girls who witness maternal abuse may tolerate abuse as adults more than girls who do not. (Hotaling & sugarman, 1986) These negative effects may be diminished if the child benefits from intervention by the law and domestic violence programs. (Giles-Sims,1985)

The long -term effects of child sexual abuse include "depression and self-destructive behavior, anger and hostility, poor self-esteem, feelings of isolation and stigma, difficulty in trusting others (especially men), and martial and relationship problems, and a tendency toward revictimization." (Finkelhor & Brown, 1988) Other effects identified include runaway behavior, hysterical seizures, compulsive rituals, drug and school problems. (Conte, 1988)

References:
Bernard, G.W., Vera, H., Vera, M.I., & Newman, G. 1982. 
"Till Death Do Us Part": A Study of Spouse Murder. Bulletin of the American Academy of Psychiatry and the Law, 10. 
Browne, A. 1987. When Battered Women Kill. New York: The Free Press.

Reaction of Women Being Beaten 
1. Denial or minimization of the abuse: "It really wasn't that bad." He only hits me every few months.

2. Blames herself: He tells her "You make me mad!" Then if she can figure out how to make him happy, she can prevent the battering.

3. Seeks help: she goes to friends, relatives, clergy, shelters, or even to a motel.

4. Ambivalence: the woman can work on her ambivalence will be more successful.

Note: All these can be going on at once, they are not necessarily single steps.
Source: Walker, L. TN Task Force on Domestic Violence Conference, 1989

Rapid City Police Department
Domestic Violence Division
Rapid City, South Dakota

Personalized Safety Plan

Name:_______________________ Date:___________

Complaint #:___________ Officer: Net______________

The following steps represent my plan for increasing my safety and preparing in advance for the possibility for further violence. Although I do not have control over my partner's violence, I do have a choice about how to respond to him/her and how to best get myself and my children to safety.

Step 1: Safety during a violent incident. Women cannot always avoid violent incidents. In order to increase safety, battered women may use a variety of strategies.

I can use some or all of the following strategies:

A. If I decide to leave, I will ___________________. (Practice how to get out safely. What doors, windows, elevators, stairwells or fire escapes would you use?)

B. I can keep my purse and car keys ready and put them (place) __________________ in order to leave quickly.

C. I can tell _____________________about the violence and request they call the police if they hear suspicious noises coming from my house.
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D. I can teach my children how to use the telephone to contact the police and the fire department.

E. I will use _______________________ as my code for my children or my friends so they can call for help.

F. If I have to leave my home, I will go _____________________ (Decide this even if you don't think there will be a next time).

If I cannot go to the location above, then I can go to_________ __________________or ______________________________.

G. I can also teach some of these strategies to some/all my children.

H. When I expect we are going to have an argument, I will try to move to a space that is lowest risk, such as ____________ ____________________. (Try to avoid arguments in the bathroom, garage, kitchen, near weapons or in rooms without access to an outside door).

I. I will use my judgment and intuition. If the situation is very serious, I can give my partner what he/she wants to calm him/her down. I have to protect myself until I/we are out of danger.

Step 2: Safety when preparing to leave. Battered women frequently leave the residence they share with the battering partner. Leaving must be done with a careful plan in order to increase safety. Batterers often strike back when they believe that a battered woman is leaving the relationship.

I can use some or all the following safety strategies:

A. I will leave money and an extra set of keys with _____________ so that I can leave quickly.

B. I will keep copies of important documents or keys at _______________________.

C. I will open a savings account by ______________, to increase my independence.

D. The domestic violence program's crisis line number is 341-4808 (Rapid City Police Domestic Violence 394-4131) and I can seek shelter by calling this hot line.

E. I can keep change for phone calls on me at all times. I under stand that if I use my telephone credit card, the following month the telephone bill will tell my batterer those numbers that I called after I left. To keep my telephone communications confidential, I must either use coins or I might get a friend to permit me to use their telephone credit card for a limited time when I first leave.

F. I will check with ____________________ and _____________ to see who would be able to let me stay with them or lend me some money.

G. I can leave extra clothes with _________________________.

H. I will sit down and review my safety plan every ______________ in order to plan the safest way to leave the residence. _____________ (domestic violence advocate or friend) has agreed to help me review this plan.

I. I will rehearse my escape plan and, as appropriate, practice it with my children.

Step 3: Safety in my own residence. There are many things that a woman can do to increase her safety in her own residence. It may be impossible to do everything at once, but safety measures can be added step by step.

Safety measures I can use include:

A. I can change the locks on my doors and windows as soon as possible.

B. I can replace wooden doors with steel/metal doors.

C. I can install security systems including additional locks, window bars, poles to wedge against doors, an electronic system, etc.

D. I can purchase rope ladders to be used for escape from second floor windows.

E. I can install smoke detectors and purchase fire extinguishers for each floor in my house/apartment.

F. I can install an outside lighting system that lights up when a person is coming close to my house.

G. I will teach my children how to use the telephone to make a collect call to me and to _______________(friend/minister/ other) in the event that my partner takes the children.

H. I will tell people who take care of my children which people have permission to pick up my children and that my partner is not permitted to do so. The people I will inform about pick-up permission include:
__________________________________________(school),

________________________________________(day care staff),

________________________________________(babysitter),

___________________________________(Sunday school teacher),

________________________________________(teacher),

________________________________________(and),

________________________________________(others),

I. I can inform ______________________________(neighbors),

_______________________________________(pastor), and,

_______________________________________(friend) that my partner no longer resides with me and they should call the police if he is observed near my residence.

Step 4: Safety with an Order of Protection. Many battered women obey protection orders, but one can never be sure which violent partner will obey and which will violate protection orders. I recognize that I may need to ask the police and the court to enforce my protection order.

The following are some steps that I can take to help the enforcement of my protection order:

A. I will keep my protection order _________________(location) (Always keep it on or near your person. If you change purses, that's the first thing that should go in).

B. I will give my protection order to police departments in the communities where I usually visit family or friends, and in the community where I live.

C. There should be a county registry of protection orders that all police departments can call to confirm a protection order. I can check to make sure that my order is in registry. The telephone number for the county registry of protection order is _________________________________.

D. For further safety, if I often visit other counties in South Dakota, I might file my protection order with the court in those counties. I will register my protection order in the following counties:

___________________ and _________________ that I have a protection order in effect.

E. I can call the local domestic violence program if I am not sure about B, C, or D above or if I have some problem with my protection order.

F. I will inform my employer, my minister, my closest friend and _____________ and ____________that I have a protection order in effect.

G. If my partner destroys my protection order, I can get another copy from the Pennington County Courthouse by going to the Circuit Court Clerk's office.

H. If my partner violates the protection order, I can call the police and report a violation, contact my attorney, call my advocate, and/or advise the court of the violation.

I. If the police do no help, I can contact my advocate or attorney and will file a complaint with the chief of the police department.

J. I can also file a private criminal compliant with the district justice in the jurisdiction where the violation occurred or with the district attorney. I can charge my battering partner with a violation of the Order of Protection and all the crimes that he commits in violating the order. I can call the domestic violence advocate to help me with this.

Step 5: Safety on the job and in public. Each battered woman must decide if and when she will tell others that her partner has battered her and that she may be at continued risk. Friends, family and co-workers can help to protect women. Each woman should consider carefully which people to invite to help secure her safety.

I might do any or all of the following:

A. I can inform my boss, the security supervisor and ___________ at work of my situation.

B. I can ask ________________ to help screen my telephone calls at work.

C. When leaving work, I can ______________________________ _________________________________________________.

D. When driving home if problems occur, I can ________________ _________________________________________________.

E. If I use public transit, I can ______________________________ _________________________________________________.

F. I will go to different grocery stores and shopping malls to conduct my business and shop at hours that are different than those when residing with my battered partner.

G. I can use a different bank and take care of my banking at hours different from those I used when residing with my battered partner.

H. I can also __________________________________________.

Step 6: Safety and drug or alcohol use. Most people in this culture use alcohol. Many use mood-altering drugs. Much of this use is legal and some is not. The legal outcomes of using illegal drugs can be very hard on a battered woman, may hurt her relationship with her children and put her at a disadvantage in other legal actions with her battering partner. Therefore, women should carefully consider the potential cost of the use of illegal drugs. But beyond this, the use of any alcohol or other drug can reduce a woman's awareness and ability to act quickly to protect herself from her battering partner. Furthermore, the use of alcohol or other drugs by the batterer may give him/her an excuse to use violence. Therefore, in the context of drug or alcohol use, a woman needs to make specific safety plans.

If drug or alcohol use has occurred in my relationship with the battering partner, I can enhance my safety by some or all of the following:

A. If I am going to use, I can do so in a safe place and with people who understand the risk of violence and are committed to my safety.

B. I can also ___________________________________________.

C. If my partner is using, I can _____________________________.

D. I might also _________________________________________.

E. To safeguard my children, I might ________________________
and ______________________________________________.

Step 7: Safety and my emotional health. The experience of being battered and verbally degraded by partners is usually exhausting and emotionally draining. The process of building a new life for myself takes much courage and incredible energy.

To conserve my emotional energy and resources and to avoid hard emotional times, I can do some of the following:

A. If I feel down and ready to return to a potentially abusive situation, I can _____________________________________________.

B. When I have to communicate with my partner in person or by telephone, I can ____________________________________.

C. I can try to use "I can . . . " statements with myself and to be assertive with others.

D. I can tell myself - "_____________________________________ ______________________________" whenever I feel others are trying to control or abuse me.

E. I can read ____________________________to help me feel stronger.

F. I can call ___________________, ___________________ and _________________as other resources to be of support of me.

G. Other things I can do to help me feel stronger are ____________ ______________, and _______________________________.

H. I can attend workshops and support groups at the domestic violence program or _________________________, or _____ _______________to gain support and strengthen my relation-
ship with other people.

Step 8: Items to take when leaving. When women leave partners, it is important to take certain items with them. Beyond this, women sometimes give an extra copy of papers and an extra set of clothing to a friend just in case they have to leave quickly.

Money : Even if I have never worked, I can legally take 1/2 of the funds in the checking and savings accounts as South Dakota is a community property state. If I don't take any money from the accounts, he can legally take all money and/or close the account and I may not get my share until the court rules on it if ever.

Items with asterisks on the following list are the most important to take. If there is time, the other items might be taken, or stored outside the home.

These items might be placed in one location, so that if we have to leave in a hurry, I can grab them quickly.

When I leave, I should have:

* Identification for myself
* Children's birth certificate
* My birth certificate
* Social security cards
* School and vaccination records
* Money
* Checkbook, ATM (Automatic Tellers Machine) card
* Credit cards
* Keys - house/car/office
* Driver's license and registration
* Medication
Welfare identification, work permits, Green card
Passport(s), Divorce papers
Medical records - for all family members
Lease/rental agreement, house deed, mortgage payment book
Bank books, Insurance papers
Small saleable objects
Address book
Pictures, jewelry
Children's favorite toys and/or blankets
Items of special sentimental value

Telephone numbers I need to know:

Police Department - Emergency- 911
Rapid City / Pennington County Domestic Violence Investigator 394-6115
Pennington County States Attorney's Office 394-2191
Women Against Violence (WAVI) 341-4808
County registry of protection orders ______________________
Work number________________________________________ 
Supervisor's home number_____________________________
Minister____________________________________________
Other______________________________________________

I will keep this document in a safe place and out of the reach of my potential attacker.

Review date:_________________________

IF YOU NEED HELP IN FILLING OUT THIS PLAN YOU MAY ASK POLICE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE DIVISION DETECTIVES, COUNSELORS, THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY'S VICTIM WITNESS OFFICE PERSONNEL OR A CLOSE AND TRUSTED FRIEND.